Uchi no Fushigi na Sekai

i'm in america, and everything is weird. people talk faster, louder and more often, food bubbles in my stomach for hours, i keep impulsively speaking japanese to people that have no idea what the hell i'm talking about, and even money looks and feels strange. i can read every menu. nobody says "irashaimase" when i walk into a store... most of the time i want to go back so i can take a walk in the woods or ride the train into the city a few more times before i really have to accept re-adjusting, and the rest of the time i'm excited and nervous about whatever the next few years of my life will turn out like.

being here in portland for a few days is a perfect little buffer between the last year of my life and whatever happens next. i get to be around some of the hugely motivated, brilliant, constantly creative and positive people that have always helped me appreciate my life and keep trying, and it's a chance to relax and have zero obligations while i slowly (very slowly) re-acclimate to the way americans live. so, while i'm here, i'll be walking all over, poking my head in all of portland's warm shops and galleries, and trying to get comfortable.

during my last few days in japan, i had plenty of last dinners and parties, went to the kanto festival, and spent a couple days in tokyo with one of my closest friends from the last 4 months. kanto was pretty amazing. we went out to the city on a really cold and rainy night, and stood out on akita city's main street with the rest of the prefecture while about 50 or 60 teams of taiko players and kanto pole lifters paraded out and got into position. then there was a starting announcement, and all the teams started whacking on the drums, chanting, clapping and hoisting the giant poles in the air. the strong winds and rain sent all the lifters staggering around trying to keep the poles up, and most of the time they were crashing over into the crowds or getting tangled up with eachother. the night ended early, because everyone was getting drenched and freezing, and the poles were impossible to keep up. some of us went out afterward for our last nomihoudai and midnight wander through akita city's night life district, the details of which are a little spotty. an okinawan themed bar, and everybody's favorite rockabilly joint were visited.

in tokyo, i stayed in a little flophouse a long walk out from the heart of shinjuku. i only had two days, enough time to wander around shinjuku and find a pretty good record store filled with tons of bands and albums i could only ever read about before, several of which there was no way to be restrained from buying. we also walked through shibuya's massive crowds, went to harajuku to squeeze down its main shopping street past kids in maid costumes and boots with six inch thick soles to the design festa gallery for another gawk, and went out to ueno koen on the hottest goddamn day in the friggin universe to meet another friend from school, walk through some temples, and eat icecream.

leaving was really fucked up and difficult and hurt a lot. it feels too abnormal to become a part of someone's life and then be forced out of the ability to remain an immediate part of it. in japan, despite massive social problems that can leave people feeling irrevocably shut out, or following along with something they're not comfortable with in order to avoid that total isolation, there is that connection with time and the earth and whatever intangible thing i'm trying to define here that was always calming and reassuring, and it's something i've never felt in america outside of my circle of friends. i am excited about the future, though, and it's worth all the confusion just to see what might happen next.